Why I am Compelled to Sing

There are many reasons I continue to sing and lead worship day after day, year after year. I like when people are touched. I like getting to prophesy. I like making a way for others to join their hearts in worshipping God. But truth be told, the thing that compels me to sing is His eyes.

Truly, the Father is seeking those who will worship Him in spirit and truth (John 4:23). The eyes of the Lord are roaming to and fro throughout the earth looking for loyal hearts (2 Chronicles 16:9). His eyes are upon the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry (Psalm 34:15). It’s those eyes. Who can escape them? And He does not see as man sees. His eyes are burning a hole in my inner man, and He cannot be fooled.

The Lord has used promotion and demotion here at IHOPKC to expose my own heart to me. I remember my first major demotion as a singer. It was painful! I had thought I was so steady before Him, my identity as a lover, a worshipper. Suddenly, when I wasn’t in a position to be seen and heard by man, I began to see the grip ambition had within my motivations. Suddenly I felt like quitting and finding somewhere else to serve the Lord other than on a worship team– somewhere I could have real impact and minister to real people. I mean, that would be far more productive, right? But oh, I could not escape those eyes! I literally felt like an unwilling captive for quite a while, and I could not see the kindness in those eyes. Still He pursued me relentlessly. He sent others to speak truth to me and all the while would not let me change one thing about my circumstances. Over time, my ambition and frustration gave way to a simple faith that He received my every song, my refusal to quit, as love. Truly the thorns hedging me in became a tender space for me to sing beneath those eyes. I began to see that He waits in secret, in the hiddenness of our motivations, to commune with us at the deepest levels.

This truth of singing before His eyes came under testing again when I began to lead worship in the Global Prayer Room. I had led a team for over a year in another context where we led worship week after week for an empty room. I remember the first time I led worship in the GPR with a room full of people; as I left the stage I suddenly felt horrified at what I had just done. I had just opened up my heart before complete strangers. I just laid the strengths and weaknesses of my voice before them, opening myself up to praise and criticism and all the varying opinions of man. And in that moment, my heart was laid bare before me yet again. Would I do it for Him? Would I say yes, step forward, lean into His strength, and keep my heart steady only before those beautiful eyes? With tears in my eyes, I say, I am compelled.

And so, day after day, worship set after worship set, I set my heart to give Him what He’s so intently looking for. By His grace, I am determined to sing only to One; to live only before His eyes.